Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Marion Barry wins Ward 1 council race

We have a new councilmember. Marion Barry, the former mayor and current Ward 8 councilmember, also won the Ward 1 council race with 95.7% of the vote amid charges of voter intimidation.

Voters reported pro-Barry troops at polling places, watching over each polling machine so that voters wrote in Barry, who as of a few weeks ago wasn't running. However, in the past few days, Barry's supporters claimed that Washingtonians were at risk of persecution from Nazis, Neo-Nazis, Crypto-Nazis, Fascists, Anarchists, Sherpas and Presbyterians in Ward 1 and that they needed protection. Others claimed any anti-Washingtonian harassment was the work of agents provocateurs.

As for the report that heavily-armed and highly-trained troops were at the polling places, a Barry spokesperson disagreed: "These claims are preposterous. These men are merely patriotic, spontaneously-organized local security forces and not troops at all. Also look over here at this shiny thing."

Others said the vote for Barry was necessary as Barry supporters were being harassed all over the ward. Throughout the day, the armed men had seized key infrastructure in the ward, such as Columbia Heights Metro, Chipotle and CC's Liquor Store. When questioned who they were, the armed men either didn't reply or said "geez, how about all that snow?"

The vote tally has not yet been certified by the DC Board on Election and Ethics or United Nations elections observers, while Barry claims that people in adjacent areas of Wards 2, 3 and 4 may also be facing harassment and need support. On the radio today, Barry threatened that only he can reduce the city to radioactive dust.

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