Friday, April 1, 2011

Moving to Gaithersburg, See you later Columbia Heights

So I got tired of the walkable neighborhood, nearby Metro, cool bars and restaurants and plentiful retail and decided to go to Gaithersburg. It's great! I can drive my SUV to the mailbox and back, or drive my SUV to the drive in Starbucks and back, or just drive it around in circles. There isn't much chance to run into any neighbors, thank God, and Pier One has lots of awesome rattan furniture for my walk-in closet. I got to throw away my bike since there's nowhere to ride it anyway, and why ride when I can drive, and I just applied for a cake of the month club. Plus I'm tired of Obama in my neighborhood all the time -- boring!

People say it's far out here, but I like the commute. I can shave, read the newspaper, and brush my teeth while driving down 270. Well not really driving, more like sitting for 5 minutes then going 5 feet. It's fun. And I'm not far from anything I want to do: Chili's is the bomb!

Plus there's a lot going on here: for example, girls softball lost to Sherwood -- I hate Sherwood. The other big problems are that we are all really mad because the school district didn't notify us immediately when a school bus driver was arrested, and they're going to fix the out of order addresses in the neighborhood. Finally! Plus there was some suspicious kid playing basketball in our cul de sac, all the neighbors were talking about it. I'm going to keep my eye on him, why isn't he inside playing Call of Duty?

Anyway, have fun in your city "neighborhood" suckas!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

April Fools

Anonymous said...

Great one!!

heathermg said...

Macaroni Grill? Lucky!

IMGoph said...

it's kind of funny that you can find a few of the dastardly chains of suburbia right there in columbia heights.

funny post, though.

@JayRickey said...

Loved This!

Tom Veil said...

Happy April 1st.

Sunshine+Design said...

that's crucial!